The debate about overtime|
There is a great deal of debate over whether companies benefit by (1) encourage employees (2) from working extra hours or taking work home. Some people argue that, by squeezing more time (3) from each employee, the companies (4) could achieve more. On the other hand, others believe that employees will be more focused and effective during work, if they have more leisure time. In my point of view, (5) even over-time work is necessary in some situations, companies should not encourage employees (2) from working extra hours or taking work home. My (6) views can be greatly substantiated by the reasons stated below.
Firstly, shorter working hours do not mean achieving less. By ensuring leisure time, employees can work more (7) effective during working hours. (8) In the contrast, people tend to be less creative and less focused if they (9) worked long hours. A recent research published in Harvard Business Review found that an average American's productivity tended to drop if he/she (10) worked more than 8 hours a day. In Japan, people usually work long hours. However, a recent survey conducted by a newspaper said that (11) many of them had very lower productivities during the night.
Secondly, companies with healthier life style retain more (12) talents. We are all social animals. By constantly investing too much time in work and too little time (13) in social life, we (14) could not sustain our normal lives. If a company (15) could not build a system to ensure healthy life styles for its employees, the employees will leave sooner or later. Most of the employees in a consultant firm, which I have worked for, leave in (16) 2 - 4 years after joining the firm. On the other hand, H.P., which is famous for its life style balance, usually retains employees more than (16) 5 years.
Some people might argue that working extra hours is necessary (17) sometime. Through it is true in certain cases, (18) e.g., pre-IPO, nature disasters, etc., companies (19) should not do it as day-to-day practices. At (20) the speed of 10 meters per second, most (21) of people can run 50 meters, but not 100 meters.
In conclusion, companies should not encourage employees (2) from working extra hours or taking work home. By (22) spending enough leisure time, employees can achieve more during working hours. In addition, companies with healthier life styles retain and attract more (14) talents.
(1) Use "by encouraging" (speaking, listening, dancing) rather than "by encourage" (speak, listen, dance).english writing practice
(2) Use "to work extra hours or take work home" instead of "from working extra hours or taking work home."
(3) As an alternative to "from each employee" you can use "out of each employee."
(4) The present tense (can) would be even more suitable than "could."
(5) You need to use "although" instead of "even." As soon as "although is used, the reader knows that either a contradiction or n exception is coming.
(6) "My opinion" would be a better choice than "my views." Although one's opinion can be greatly substantiated, one would be less likely to say that "my views" are greatly substantiated.
(7) In "can work more effective," you need an adverb (effectively) rather than an adjective (effective) - because "effectively" refers to the verb. It "modifies" a verb..
(8) This term, "in the contrast," does not use "the." Simply write "in contrast."
(9) The present tense, "work" or even "have worked" would sound nicer than "worked."
(10) Similarly, "has worked" is a better choice than "worked."
(11) Instead of "many of them had very lower productivities during the night," consider using "the productivity of many employees was much lower during the night."
(12) Use "talent" instead of "talents." Talent is an adjective (not a noun). In English, an adjective is the same whether the noun is singular or plural.
(13) You need a modifier before "social life." Use "a" or "our." However, if you use "our," it will be necessary to change "life" to "lives."
(14) Instead of "could not sustain" you might consider using "would not be able to sustain."
(15) In "If a company could not build" you should change "could" to "can."
(16) Spell out numbers that are less than 10 (e.g., four to five)..
(17) It is a minor point, but you should change "sometime" to "sometimes" because (I believe) you are referring to more than one occasion (i.e., "on some occasions")..
(18) Use parentheses () to enclose "e.g., pre-IPO, nature disasters, etc."
(19) Instead of "should not do it as day-to-day practices," you could have written "should not condone (or "accept" or "require" or "incorporate") it as a day-to-day practice."
(20) Use "At a speed" instead of "At the speed."
(21) Instead of "most of people," use "most people" or "most of the people."
(22) Instead of "By spending enough leisure time," use "By having enough leisure time."
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